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Aug 23, 2011

Homosexuality and Christian Marriage

Homosexual and Christian. Heterosexual and Christian. What's the difference?
Why is one accepted by most and the other considered weird? I am trying to understand. I love my family and myself and my God. I don't see how any of that can be harmed by any of the rest of that. Yet, some in this world think being homosexual and Christian is like saying you're ... idk ... Jewish and Christian? Although, technically, we Christians are Jewish folks who believe Jesus is the Messiah. So, that doesn't really get us anywhere. Bad analogy, sorry.

But, seriously. What does my relational status with others have to do with my relational status with God? God is all about the relationship. Okay, that makes sense. But, God is also all about the relationship with others being honest, loving, and truthful. I am not able to be with a man as I am with my wife and still be honest, loving and truthful. I know because I've tried that. It didn't work. Even if he hadn't been "too friendly" with a coworker, the relationship wouldn't have worked because I didn't work in it. A heterosexual woman worked in that relationship, not a homosexual one.

In the Catholic church, marriage is a sacrament. That means it is a method of drawing closer to God. Being in the marriage I was in did not bring me closer to God. In fact, for a while it pushed me away from God. He allowed the marriage to happen. He knew how He had made me. He knew it wouldn't work out. Yet, He still allowed it. That made me very angry with Him. I was angry with Him for many years. I turned away from Him in my anger. I have come to realize that He allows us to be. I chose to marry. I chose to bury my natural state and try to be what I was not. That didn't work well for any of us.

My anger was misdirected when I was angry with God. I couldn't be angry with myself, so I was with Him. Since then I have realized that I don't know why He allowed that relationship, but it is part of the tapestry that brought me to here. And, that is bringing me further into His love and care for all of us.

The relationship with my wife is lovely, unifying, a true friendship, and brings us both closer to God. The relationship with my wife is more of a sacrament than the relationship with my ex-husband ever was capable of being. Yet, the human leaders of the church on earth believe that the opposite should have been able to be true. Just because someone thinks something, does not make that thing true. Yes, I know that sentence can be used both in my defense and against me and others like me. Oh well.

I would like for a win-win situation with my Catholic beliefs and my human beliefs. I believe in God, the church, and I believe in homosexuality being right and true. How to reconcile these beliefs when the church believes differently?