Mar 4, 2012

Have you ever...

Have you ever thought about just how precarious your life is? Have you ever thought how close to the brink of financial ruin you are? Just because you can't work? I have and it's not pretty, folks.

I haven't been able to work for months now. Food stamps keep me in food. But, creditors and bills don't accept food stamps even if they could. Stores that sell ink for making your own business cards to include in your shops packages, don't take EBT cards either. Your shop isn't selling anything yet, and you wonder if it ever will. The wolf's at the door and you don't know where to turn.

Your mom offers some money, not even quite 100, and you feel so indebted to her, that you can't ever imagine paying her back. So, she calls it a gift. You think of the wolf and know he knows your size.

You can't afford stock in Kleenex because you can't afford them to catch your tears of frustration and hopelessness. You use generic everything, not just because you hate paying for others' advertising, but because you can't afford the name brand things. There's no room to cut back because you were raised lean and already have cut back. You think of the wolf and know he knows your home.

Have you ever received money from a family member and thought to pay it back because you imagine just how tight their life is? They haven't said it is a loan. But, you know your grandma can't afford her insurance copays, yet she's sent you 100. You think of the wolf and know he knows your thoughts.

That wolf is knocking on the door. The deadbolt is the only thing keeping him from slitting your throat. You control the deadbolt, but the wolf knows you. He knows the leanness of your soul and plays his violin in that key. He wants you to turn the deadbolt, to just give up. He knows it's only a matter of time before you do turn the deadbolt. He knows you fear the outside world. He entices you with his sorrowful violin.

But, is he real? I don't know, but he knows.