Open Communication

 Dear Readers,

It started innocently enough. Someone liked some of the posts I have written on here, and sent some comments to one of my social media platforms dm boxes. It's neat hearing from readers, even though I would have preferred the comments be on the posts, so everyone could participate in the conversation, if wanted. 

Then, the person read the post where I describe not standing up for the pledge of allegiance to the flag, let me remind you readers, that happened once out of my dad's 22-year career, and was an allowed response to the standing time. I remained quiet and respectful during that time. I was exercising one of the rights that I was allowed in my life as a 4th or 5th grade child in the 1980s in a way that valued the time and experience of others. They got restimulated about a time their child didn't stand for the pledge of allegiance at some fireworks demonstration, I'm being vague on purpose here, and described shaming their child into standing up by reminding them of others they know who had served. 

That shame may have worked that day for their child, but it didn't change the internal desire to love the flag, or to want to not peacefully demonstrate against it. It was just a child forcefully compiling with a parent. Just as their anger at me didn't change my history, just my willingness to have them in my space. I feel sorry for their child, whether that person is now an adult, or still under the age of majority and required to be with the person who communicated with me.

From now on, all dm communications about this blog will be deleted without being read. I'm only going to pay attention to open communication through comments on here. I delete the spam messages that occur too. 

I'm just tired of the entitlement of others to feel like they can tell me what to do with my own stuff, my own life, my memories, and so on. It has no impact on your life. Even if it reminds you of something within your history, it's not anything to do with me, not really. My life has no impact on your life, we're so far apart my ripples don't touch yours. Especially this past year and a bit, with me staying in my home and with the folks in my home, I haven't been able to ripple as much as I would like. 

If you want to express an opinion about this, reply to this post if you want me to see it, or talk with your family or friends if you don't want me to see it. I'd like to know what you think about folks dropping into others dm's, or about the flag (even though that's only a tangent here), or whatever this reminds you of here. It's alll good, in the comments.

Later,
Jen

Dancing through January

 Hi y'all!

I was raised my first 8 years mostly in North Carolina in and around Ft. Bragg, and even though we had neighbors with international heritages, I still have southern vocal patterns. Oh well, it is what it is. My parents are from the front range of Colorado and the midwestern part of South Dakota, so they don't really have southern ways, and their parents weren't southern either. It's just something I picked up over time. 

Anyways, I liked having the word of the season being Dancing. I had a section of my habit tracker in the bullet journal for it with the quote from myself discovery work, "Dancing the dance of life brings me joy." In that section, I also doodled some eighth-notes, a dragonfly, and a five-petal flower. I like the look of it, and it was visible every-ish day when I checked in about whether or not I had done the 22 things I was tracking for the month.

I used a lot of music through the month. There were the weekly zoom meetings with other crafters on Sunday afternoons that the local fiber store owner hosted where the first two-thirds is music jams supplied by the participants in a Spotify playlist we all listen to as we craft along where we happen to be located, then last third is us sharing our names, locations, and what we crafted that day (sometimes, since the last meeting, but not often). 

I also have been listening to the Daily Wellness on Spotify to get some music and some meditation and just have a happy start to the day. That lead to liking lots of songs, and then finding songs and artist from when I was younger and liking their music on there. Now, I listen to hip-hop women artists when I do a lot of my typing as I like the lyrics and the pace for focusing.

I've also been Dancing through my crafting. I thought I'd be lucky to craft 500 yards when the month started. Then, maybe 1,000 yards. Not even 1,500 yards would be a stretch. Nope, I Danced my way all the way to 1642.1 yards crafted, and 1478 yards out of stash through a skein of yarn that hadn't been removed when I got rid of it a while ago, so that's 3201.1 yards out of stash for the month of January. I'll do a separate post of the projects and their details later.

I've also been enjoying the scent of a vanilla and sugar candle. It's not Dancing exactly, and not quite hip-hop style, but it's been helping me to feel happy with the passing of the colder days of winter. There had been a mulberry colored candle that had a spicy scent, and it gave me a headache. This one is nice, and warm, and floaty, like Queen Latifah singing a mellow ballad. 

I just like all the joys of Dancing has brought to me this month. No, it's not in club, mostly in my living room, jamming as I bee bop along through life, and that's cool. It's nice to add some pep and some joy to your steps, some rhythm to your days, beyond the routines of getting up, some music to your cardio. It's all good stuff, and that's very good for my soul.

Take care, y'all, I'll write more later,
Jen

Church, My Way

 Growing up, I lived on Army bases in the United States of America. My dad was an enlisted soldier, now he is a retired veteran. The Army had us living in homes around the country from North Carolina, to Alaska, to Virginia, to Colorado. I liked it so much, I even signed up for an enlistment, but I didn't make it very far in the attrition process. Anyways, recent events in our nation's capitol have me feeling jumbled up inside.

Recently, Joe Biden has called the Capitol Building the Citadel of Democracy, and Nancy Pelosi called it the Temple of our Democracy as well. I got to thinking about how seeing churches broken up in the past has made me deeply saddened, and yet, not felt like it was my church that got attacked. This does.

Growing up, we heard Reveille played by bugles at 7 in the morning as the flag was raised over the base headquarters every single day. Then, we heard Taps every single day at 6 in the evening as the flag was lowered. These songs bookended our days. They were the songs that opened our services and closed our services. Life on the posts for a school child started with Reveille and ended with Taps. One woke you. One told you to go inside for the end of the day.

Then, when the Mayor of the District of Columbia announced a curfew at 6 in the evening on the day white supremacists tried to dismantle the big church of my churches? That reminded me of the curfews that were enacted on the Army bases during the fighting in Kuwait and folks being angry at the military and soldiers and we had to be on base every single night during that time by 6 in the evening. It was just how it was. 

So, folks being mean to those fighting for liberty and the American way in the Capitol Building, and a 6 pm curfew enacted? It was a bit much to be reminded of tough times. 

Then, today, when Joe Biden was announcing his nominees to head the Justice Department, and Nancy Pelosi when responding to questions of what next because our incumbent president had instigated the domestic rioters and white supremacists that attacked the Capitol Building referred to the Capitol Building as the Church of Democracy, essentially. And, it came together for me.

We didn't go to any churches on post, or off post in the surrounding communities, when I was growing up. I like to say that my folks are hippies who raised us, their four children, on military communes. It confuses folks, but once they get to know my history a bit, it makes sense too. The post was everything for us. It was extended family, friends were made hard and fast, you never knew when someone might move (either them or you), and it was where you got your food, medicine, clothes, just everything on the post. 

This was how it was designed to be. The military brass wanted the soldiers to be dependent on the post for everything from necessities to fun, so that the soldiers could be a more cohesive unit. And, if the soldiers were cohesive, then the families could be too. 

That's why yesterday's attack is visceral and felt like an attack on my church. Even though we didn't do church. I only went to church as a social experiment with friends and later other family. But, my family of origin, nature is our church, and nature is always on the post. Of course, it's always everywhere. 

I'm still broken up by the feelings in my chest and my eyes. I am trying to be comfortable with these feelings, as all feelings are valid. It's what you do with them that matters. What the white supremacists did yesterday is not moral and not awesome and not a cool way to treat other people. I am upset, but I'm not going to go be physically stringent with any incumbent residents of any addresses on Pennsylvania Avenue. That's not my way, that's not what my church taught me.

My church values Loyalty to the Constitution and the Nation (meaning all the others here), Duty to do what we say we will, Respect for others by treating them as they should be treated, Selfless Service putting the needs of the nation above your own (which those white supremacists didn't do, and their instigator hasn't ever seemed to do in his public persona), Honor to live your values daily no matter whether you're being watched or not, Integrity to do what's right legally and morally, and, Personal Courage to face fear, danger, or adversity and still do the right things.  

A while ago, I was asked why I didn't like the incumbent president. I couldn't put into words at the time why because I was upset at the time. It's because he's disrespectful of those that are lower in station than himself, he's not loyal to our nation and prefers the company of our international adversaries, he's never shown a bit of selfless service and only seems to be selfish, he doesn't show much integrity in his dealings with the law of man or in relation to women, and, he doesn't have personal courage to led others in dangerous situations, but has to have peaceful protestors cleared for photo ops with symbols of religious power that he doesn't even pretend to care enough about to hold the right way up. He doesn't fulfill the values of my church.

I hope he gets what he doesn't deserve. By that I mean, more love, and I mean honest, soul deep love, than he's given most people. I can't do that right now for him, but surely someone, somewhere can give him the love he needs. I can at least, wish him to not hurt himself, and not hurt the rest of us in the process.

Edited on 13 January to change the language from "terrorists" to "white supremacists" as I've learned from Black folx on various social media that calling the ones that defiled the Capitol of the United States on 6 January 2021 terrorists only increases attacks and racial profiling on those who are Black, Brown, or Indigenous Peoples of Color, and that they will bear the burden of a word choice that can be made more clear in this post. Words matter. Clarity matters. Black lives matter because life matters. 

Letter to You, Readers

 Dear Readers,

You are all really neat people. There’s been over 41,500 of you to visit this blog. That’s breathtaking! To think that so many of you came on this journey with me from my entry into the Catholic Church, my book interests, and my crafting updates, all colored by the overlaying of my chronic illnesses too. Thank you for staying around for the fun!

Nearly half of you are from the United States. Just over 4,300 of you are from Russia. About 2,000 of you are from the United Kingdom. And, around 1,500 of you are Canadian. There’s around 1,00 from France and Germany each. Then, China, Ukraine, Romania, and the rest of the world make up the remainder of you. 

By far most of you are here for the Mermaid Tail pattern blog post, over 9,200 of you. The next most popular blog post among you is the Open House @ Engine with Photos Post that about 660 of you liked. About 180 of you liked my sharing my Appendicitis story. The remaining most popular stories are scattered among organizational ideas, pattern pages, odes to seasons and patterns, anti-oppression pieces, 2 stories about being beyond bacterial meningitis, and two book reviews. The books are Children of Bone and Blood, a fantastical African story with anti-oppression themes, and Unstoppable, a memoir about living without limbs. Yeah, I like a variety of books.

I won’t share the operating system information that the stats collection gives me because I don’t know if anyone could use that to harm you in some way, and don’t want to be a part of that.

You have liked looking at the pages about equally, each got 200-250 views, except the one with my contact information, which only got 65 views. That’s cool. It’s mostly there for those who want me to review their own books, which is cool. I should double check the google sheet for that for new items.

So, yes, thank you for reading this blog and stopping by during your free time from wherever you are in the world. I appreciate you and your time.

Take care and stay safe out there,

Jen

Update!

Hi All,

I've been living life, and missing to blog about things. So, I'm coming back.

I have been reading, writing, knitting, spinning, and crocheting, along with some sewing. I have lots of ideas and have started keeping track of things in different ways.

I will start sharing about my projects on here. I am not doing the book reviews for free copies of the books anymore, as I am tired of the accountability with NetGalley.

Anyways, just a short update to let you know where I am.

Take Care,
Jen

The Box, Male Oppression

The Box, Male Oppression

 

 

Recently, I had the great opportunity to listen to a talk about sexism. One of the panelists mentioned the box that society puts male children and men into in which they cannot feel emotions, are not allowed close male friendships because of gay oppression, and are the first ones sent to war. This opened my eyes to what it means to be male in our society, and the experiences that my dad and brothers, and by extension other male persons, have had as members of the male group of humanity. I resisted the idea that men are oppressed because women are the oppressed ones, so that means that men are the oppressors. But, men have been conditioned to be the oppressors and so are oppressed just as women are.

No one is born with sexism. Sexism is a social construct that makes biology the reason for differences in power. This social construct hurts men as well as the women it oppresses by making men the agents of sexism through hurting them to the point they think it is normal and right to be in charge because they are male, a happenstance of hormones. This indoctrination begins as children with blue, trucks, and outside being the sole provinces of boys and pink, soft, and indoors being the province of girls, at least in this society. If you see a child in blue and can’t tell on first glance that that child is a girl, you get labeled as a boy until corrected and then it’s apologies for the mistake, but also in a way, apologies for the elevation of the girl to boy, and accusations to the parents for trying to pass the girl as a boy, when in reality that may simply be her favorite shirt or the last piece of clean clothes because today is laundry day, either way, it is just a blue shirt, not a marker of boyness or girlness. Just a shirt.

And, so the indoctrination begins. It continues as children are told that boys are supposed to be good at math and girls at words, and that boys can have as much sex as they want because no one will know what they do, but if a girl has as much sex as she wants then she is labeled a tramp or worse. It continues when girls are told to change how they dress because it distracts boys from getting an education and that girls’ bodies are just for objectification as sexual things no matter how unsexual the child feels. It continues when boys are teased by others for crying when something hurts them, so they learn to keep the hurts hidden, and that just festers like a sore wound because it is. It continues when youth, beauty, and feminine mystique are used to send messages to children that only those who look and act perfectly matter, and the rest better know how to make the best of whatever assets they may have because they aren’t loveable because they aren’t perfect or ideal and will need to work hard to prove themselves, whether male or female. It continues with the myth that all rapists are males and strangers. It continues with the myth that only other places have sexism and that the glass ceiling doesn’t exist anymore.

So, how to stop the seemingly inevitable flow of indoctrination? Stop and think about these things, and then, talking about them with yourself and your circle of family and friends. Then, sharing time equally to allow everyone the chance to be heard and have a voice while sharing the stories of the hurts from sexism and the joys of being a girl or woman or boy or man, as your case may be. Then, not just listening to each other, but taking the chance to be heard and heal from the sexism and oppression to the rest of the world.

There are many organizations doing this kind of work, but one I know of is the No Limits/The Liberation of Women program of the International Re-evaluation Counseling Community. They have brought the ideas of RC, Re-evaluation Counseling, to the topic of Sexism. They are working towards the end of sexism worldwide by 50 years, now being in the middle of that time. Re-evaluation counseling is the name given to the shared listening process where each person gets an equal amount of time to talk or just express in whatever way the feelings the topic has for them. This time is considered confidential, is done with the idea that we are intelligent, capable, and good., and that we can figure the solutions to our own problems just by being given the space to be listened to while we process through the thoughts and feelings associated with the topic.

Junk food Prohibition for the poor only? Good or bad?

"Two lawmakers in Augusta want to curb the junk going into Mainer's mouths through legislation."

That is a misstatement. They do not want to limit the junk food going into Mainers' mouths, but poor Mainers' mouths, and not just poor Mainers' mouths, but poor Mainers on food stamps. Since when did Prohibition comeback? I never noticed that we had made sugar illegal. If they are going to limit food selection for the poor folks on food stamps, then Maine should make all such foods illegal for all Mainers to make the impetus behind the bills apply to all Mainers equally. Prohibit all so called "junk food" for all Mainers, or for none. And, if your going to do it for Mainers, then it needs to apply for all Americans, or none. So, do we really want to try to convince the entire country to Prohibit junk food? The war on drugs and alcohol have shown that making such items illegal only makes them more desirable and easier to get. Prohibition did not stop alcohol consumption. The war on drugs has not stopped drug consumption. Big government is wrong on this thought. Going through educational programs that show the benefits of avoiding the supposedly undesired substance is a possibly good way to bring in reducing consumption. Another process that can help is to make the substance legal but add so many taxes to its purchase that it is highly expensive, so that the healthy substances are more profitable for the average person. Another process is to give the healthy options subsidies through the grocery stores such that healthy choices are less expensive and yet not hurtful to the stores for selling them.

Also, if that particular store owner is really that upset and judgmental about folks using food stamps for what she perceives as unhealthy choices, then she should stop selling the unhealthy choices so she doesn't have to see what she doesn't want to see.

Quote taken from, "Proposals encourage better nutrition for Maine food stamp users: Two bills would change eating habits, EBT use," by David Charns, at http://www.wmtw.com/news/should-food-stamps-cover-junk-food/32554818

My Current Daydream

Every morning I wake to the sounds of gentle rain dripping off the tile roof of my one bedroom flat in Oxford.  I make some coffee, toast a crumpet, spread it with jam and enjoy my breakfast.  Today is my day to go to the library and study the actual texts of the medieval Irish and Welsh myths and legends and folktales.  I am looking for clues as to who the writers were and why they wrote in the ways they wrote.  I am also looking for the similarities and differences in the texts.  After lunch, I will go to the river for a walk and think over what I've peered at all the morning.  In the afternoon, I return to my flat and write up my notes, just in time to go to the train station and meet my sweetie on her vacation to England.  We go to a nearby pub and have a dinner and some local ale, then we go to a lecture on the historical lumps and depressions in the surrounding country side.  We go home afterwards for some much deserved time to ourselves.  In a few days, we emerge and go on an exploration of the Iron Age remains in the area while taking in the scenery and stopping at pubs for lunch and dinner, or tea as they call it there.  I don't make her climb a tree as our favorite Brit Com leading lady does in their own Iron Age remains episode, so I don't look foolish talking to a tree when a bicyclist goes by and she refuses to answer me from the tree.  Then again, the car didn't have a ladder, so it wasn't really feasible.  :)

Watching Lady Gaga and Oprah Talking About Fame ... Oh My!!

It's Sunday, so of course, it is Super Soul Sunday and Oprah's Next Chapter in my house on the television.  Oprah is interviewing Lady Gaga about her life and has just asked her about fame and how it feels to have the most followers on Twitter.  Lady G doesn't disappoint and turns the conversation to how her team keeps her honest and grounded by telling her the truth.

This reminds me of the time when I was told of a friend's secret affair.  The affair was the truth, and it's story was spreading faster than anything on Twitter, though only through word of mouth.  I asked the one telling me about the affair if we could talk about something else, like her daughter's winning score in the recent basketball game.  Despite the truth of the conversation's details, the friend whose secret it was wasn't there to do the sharing of her secret, so as her friend, as part of her "team," I felt that it was best not to talk about this secret that wasn't really a secret anymore without her being present to share her truth of the events.

10 Ways to Strengthening Relationships in My Family

What can I do to strengthen the relationships in my family?

There's three generations of women in that picture, my grandma, two of her daughters, and me in the green hat and dress.  My mom is in the red hat beside me.  I'm actually wearing one of her hats.  Her oldest sister is in the straw hat with the peach ribbon.  And, grandma is in the blue with the blue hat.

I have good relationships with my mom and grandma, and an okay one with my aunt.  We all get busy with our lives.  I live out here in Maine, and they all live in Colorado.  So, how to strengthen relationships?

1. Call weekly.  With grandma, I have to speak a little slower and louder, but I also speak fast, so that's doable, especially as she's close to 88 now.
2. Write letters just because.  Grandma writes to her family, extended including cousins and their children, I think, often.  She thinks she doesn't write often enough, but I always tell her she writes more often than anyone else I know.
3. Connect through FaceBook or some other social networking site.  My mom and I share Ravelry.  My aunt and I connect only through FaceBook, except when I visit.  Grandma was on FaceBook, but she has computer issues, so isn't now. A cousin and I connect through Twitter.
4. Skype.  It's free, video chatting, phone calls.  You just need to set up an account.  I use it to connect with my friends in distant places.  We don't always use the video function.  You have the option of whether to use it or not.
5. Email.  It's quick, simple and you can write and rewrite without using a lot of paper.  You can also keep a record of your emails if you wish.  
6. Blog.  A blog is a great way to update an entire extended family all at once about the comings and goings in your life.  Blogger, the program I use to blog this through, is super easy to get started with and free, so is WordPress.com  WordPress.org is not a free version, but you get to use your own domain name, like cathseeker.com, instead of cathseeker.blogpress.com
7. Hang out together.  Whether it's family game night, or just watching movies together, time spent together is good.
8. Date nights.  These are great with your spouse or significant other, but don't just have to be with them.  Take your mom on a date.  Where would she like to go for dinner or lunch with her child?  Special one on one time with the folks important to you is key to good relationships too.
9. Reunions.  Family reunions are a great way to catch up with family you don't normally see or interact with except in the cyber world.  What's great aunt Josephine doing now? That sort of thing.
10. Tell the folks you care for how you feel about them.  Don't assume they know, sometimes they won't know without being told.  Great providers are giving acts of service as their love language, but the people they are trying to show love to may not have acts of service as a need and so don't feel the love.  K has acts of service as a love language, while I have gifts/physical touch as a love language.  When we figured out our different love languages and had the vocabulary to talk about it, we had a much easier time of feeling the love we were getting.  

That last bit is from the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  If you are interested in reading more, check out the Wikipedia article.

Vote! Migraines and Political Action

A few weeks ago, I received a call from the Marriage Equality folks here in Maine. They wanted to know if I was interested in helping visit folks, reminding them of Tuesday, November 6, 2012, election day and ballot measures. Question one is whether to allow same sex folks to be able to legally marry here in Maine. A yes vote means my partner and I can get married. Well, I really wanted to tell the guy on the line that of course I'd help, just name the date and time, instead I backed out of that opportunity. He offered other options for involvement, and rather than string him along, I leveled with him. "I can't plan that far in advance as my health doesn't allow it. I get migraines. Often. Multiple per week. I'd really like to be able to help with what we are trying to do here, but I just can't." Thankfully, he understood. Today, a nice guy came to our home and reminded me of the vote and the polling place. I got to thinking it was good I hadn't volunteered as I do have a bad migraine today. I wished there was something I could do. Then, the migraine got worse, so I had to deal with that for a while. During lunch, I was talking about the call from a few weeks ago, today's visit from the young man, and bemoaning the migraines. Then, I realized I could do one thing. I have this blog. I can write to all of you, dear readers, and ask that you vote. I would be insanely happy to have you vote as I will, but that's not reality. I just want you to vote. Even if you vote against my ideals in every way, vote. Exercise your American right to vote. My dad gave a large portion of his life and psyche to protect and affirm our rights as Americans and voting is the lynch pin that those rights rest on.. so, get to your polling place next Tuesday and vote!

Chickfila hullabaloo

So, this Chickfila hullabaloo has made me sick on a few different levels. First, the owner of Chickfila, gives his money to groups that try to force LGBT folks into conversion therapy, which has been shown to be harmful by the APA. So that makes me sick. Both Christians and LGBT folks, some of which are the same people, are polarizing into groups that say the other hates them based on unfounded re

asons. God made me. God made me lesbian. God loves me. God loves my wife. Marriage equality would only give us the legal/civil rights associated with marriage. It has nothing to do with the holy matrimonial definition of another person's marriage. How can what happens in my relationship have any bearing on your relationship? I really don't understand that one. If you have an answer, please post it. I'm really curious.

Psycho Babble

"Therapeutic action may be related to ability to inhibit polysynaptic responses and block post-tetanic potentiation."

"Inhibits voltage-sensitive sodium and calcium channels, stabilizing the neuronal membrane and modulating calcium-dependent presynaptic release of excitatory amino acids; may also have dopaminergic effects."

What the heck do those two quotes mean you may be asking yourself? And, what is Jen doing now?

Well, my friends, I've recently become interested in a couple of medications for epilepsy, a pet area of psychological study for me. I looked them up in my handy 2004 Lippincott's Nursing Drug Guide, by Amy M. Karch (link to Amazon's page for the book).  The above two quotes are the therapeutic action descriptions from the descriptions of the two medications.

Inhibit polysynaptic responses, well, since a synaptic response is just the response in the synaptic gap between two different brain cells, also known as, neurons, I would hazard a guess that the polysynaptic responses are the responses in multiple synaptic gaps. Inhibition of synaptic responses just means that the response doesn't happen in the synaptic gaps where this medication's molecules are present in the brain.

Block post-tetanic potentiation, the post-tetanic potentiation can be translated as the activity in the receptive neuron after stimulation by repetitive (tetanic) pulses from the originating neuron, which changes the ability of the receptive neuron to intake various chemicals, which in turns leads to various actions on a gross and fine motor level eventually. By blocking the potentiation, the ability of the receptive neuron to intake various chemicals, after the originating neuron sends repetitive pulses of electricity, this medication stops whatever action would eventually come from the accumulation of neurons firing like this into an action.

So, the first medication stops the receiving neuron from getting messages in two different ways.

The second medication also works on the electrical currents in the brain, but the interesting part of this medication is the last part, the afterthought.

Dopaminergic effects, this medication may also activate the brain's reward system. This medication rewards the patient for taking it. The dopamine pathway is the reason we like decadent food, sex, drugs, and alcohol. Now, I'm not advocating taking illicit drugs or abusing prescription drugs. But, those behaviors are rewarding because the brain likes the sensations, and logic doesn't stand a chance against the dopamine pathway. That's why this is definitely where an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

My mom at my age had smoked for a while, many years. I have never smoked a pack of cigarettes. My dopamine pathway isn't tied up in smoking at all. If I had a dream where I woke thinking I smelt smoke, I'd think I was in the presence of a fire. My mom, though, might wake thinking something like, "Man! That was a really good cigarette!" Then, when her logic kicks in and she remembers that she no longer smokes, the thoughts and dream could cause distress and feelings of regret or anger. All because her dopamine pathway was tied up with smoking for more years than not in her life at this point.

I have a weight problem. Technically, I'm obese, but I don't dwell on that fact. I do like good food, though. I'm trying to change my dopamine pathway to feel rewarded by fruit salad without a sweet dressing or exercising. Most of the time I'm okay about my progress. Weekly weigh-ins show that I lose more than I gain, though I'm working on getting the gained part lower. My dopamine pathway has been tied up with sugar and sweets since my mother's milk gave me some sweetness with the protein and other good things. That's thirty-seven years I'm trying to change. I don't dwell on that, or I'd be overwhelmed.

Anyways, I thought you'd get a kick out of the psycho babble of the technical psychological stuff I'm interested in and what the meaning is in lives I know a little something about. Have a grand day/night, as the case may be.

Traditional Thursdays

The recent media frenzy, which I guess I'm adding to, around the court ruling that prop8 isn't right has been crazy. I see other Catholic and Christian bloggers commenting on this topic. They have been using some very harsh language.

I've always viewed harsh language as too strong and immature for myself. Swearing does not add anything to my impression of others. In fact, cursing is what will make you lose respect in my eyes. I've worked in a variety of professional jobs. The language in each office and field location have only used appropriate language.

When you intentionally use foul language, you only show how uncreative you can be. I disagree with the heartbreak over the failure of prop8. I am celebrating the success of the view that marriage is more inclusive than just the strictly narrow view of just a heterosexual couple. I would love to be able to marry my sweetie. Right now, the law is against us being able to do that. Civil unions in Vermont and Massachusetts marriages not withstanding, marriage is still a privilege for my brothers but not me.

I have been married to a man before. That relationship was not healthy and ended in divorce. I learned my sexual orientation through that process. I believed the idea of saving your sexuality for marriage. I never expected to find that my sexuality was different than that of others I knew.

Growing up on military bases, no one would ever talk positively about gays and lesbians. There were no examples. This was pre-Ellen's show where she came out. This was back in the day of the original Star Trek being in reruns and the Star Trek Next Generation on television. There weren't any role models of sexuality other than heterosexual that I saw.

All conversation in high school was vaguely negative about gays and lesbians. Matthew Shepard was not to die for another five years. That's the kind of environment I, and many others, grew up in. Even after coming to terms with my own sexuality, I didn't let too many people know. I wanted to stay safe as my mom put it. I didn't go many places after dark except to go to and from work.

Even at work, I was not immune from crass treatment by others. A few winters ago, I was working the late second shift at a major retailer. My car was park near the building and was in view of the doors and cameras. One night, I went out to my car and got it cleared of snow. Got in to wait for the heater to warm up before leaving. Started the windshield wipers as it was snowing and melting on the front window. That's when I realized someone had done something to my window wipers. I got out, walked over to the passenger side. A dirty condom was covering the tip of the wiper.

I was suddenly enraged, angry, scared, and disgusted all at once. I used a pen to lift it off the wiper. Took it into the store. Dumped it in the trash. Asked my coworkers to call over the night manager. He looked at it was sickened too. He looked at the tapes of the night near my car. He said there was nothing that was discernible on the tapes and nothing that could legally be done. I'm still not sure of whether he did or didn't look at the tapes.

Later that winter, I was let go from that job as the winter hours were reduced after Christmas. I also had stood up for a lady customer who was told she couldn't go in the women's restroom because she was a man. This was someone with a marine haircut, but very obviously a woman from the front. I emailed store management about the rudeness of the employee. I asked if there was some kind of sensitivity training that all employees could take. I didn't let it go. Less than three weeks later, I was let go because of the Christmas rush being over.

That particular retailer didn't want me to go to the hospital when I burned my arm on the air compressor that had a short in the wiring. I told the highest ranking member of management that I was going to report the injury. He said I couldn't and refused to allow me to go to the hospital. I was accosted by my manager and another manager and told it would cost $14,000 if I went to the hospital. I have no idea where they got that number. But, it didn't lead me to not go to the hospital.

The ER staff thought it was bad enough that they gave me some Vicodin then and a script to get more later. When I told yet another manager I had been to the ER, she asked what they did. I told her that they gave me medicine and did basic first aid. She looked at me weirdly and implied that I just wanted the pain medication. It wasn't fair working for that employer.

Now, I'm healing and trying to get to a day with no headaches at all. I'm not sure if that is possible. The doctor said some people have langer than twelve months of pain from getting meningitis. That sometimes the pain can last till fifteen to eighteen months after contracting the disease. That is not encouraging news!

At least I know now and can try to work towards getting the headaches controlled. Currently, I'm on a month of extended medical leave from my job. If I am not able to go back to work at the end of this month, then I will be let go. I really hope that I'll feel much better by the end of the month. I'm not confident, but am hopeful. I mean its only twenty days. I doubt there'll be a big change in twenty days.

Miracles do happen. I am alive, and that is a miracle. I love God, family, and friends, including myself. Love is a miracle. I could have passed away in September, but like my mom, I'm a fighter for my health. I also have had a ton of people praying for me. Perhaps, my being sick is drawing them closer to God and Jesus. I hope that is the case. I can't change being sick, but I can hope that others are deepening their relationships with each other and with God.

Anyways, this has been one wacky post. Started with homosexuality and prop8, went through some tough times at a work location, and winded its way through religion to the end. I look forward to seeing what the future holds, even though I may also be scared of what it can hold. But, I can't influence the future so why be afraid or worried about it, huh?

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment and I’ll get back to you. Enjoy! Don’t forget to Subscribe to my RSS feed!

Wednesday Wowzer!

So, I totally love puzzles and would like to start having a weekly puzzle. I'm thinking of something like Google's scavenger hunt, but weekly not daily.

Wednesday WowzerQuestion: Who was the first person to use Pavlovian conditioning? I will give you a hint, it wasn't Pavlov.
Answer to be posted next Wednesday, that means you have all week to figure it out. And, to qualify for the prize you must leave a comment to this post.

Live Audition Call!!!

I am looking to interview my readers. I want to know about what brings you here, what you like to craft, and what you believe in spiritually. If you have a few moments, kindly leave a comment and I will get back to you.

Burnout Prevention Tips

Tomorrow is Labor Day, 2011. Thinking on labor, a holiday to rest from labor, and work makes me think of burnout prevention. Guess that's my interest in psychology coming out.

On that note, here are some tips I've culled on burnout prevention ... have a restful journey through reading them.

• Start your day on a quiet note. Don't rush into the day.
• Take care of your body. Clean, feed, rest and exercise it.
• Say "NO" to requests, whether you need to or not. And, don't feel guilty about it either.
• Do something creative, fun, energizing...of course, you need to know what that means for you.
• Learn what makes you feel stressed, and work to manage that feeling.
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/burnout_signs_symptoms.htm provided these tips

 Anyways, that's my take on celebrating this Labor Day! Stay safe, healthy, and chill.

Redecorating, Changes to the Blog

Well, I've been doing some rearranging on here, as you can see.

I installed the Networked Blogs widget and got it all registered nicely. I even figured out how to work it. Please click the follow button and let me know who you are.

What else? Oh yes, I changed the layout a bit. If you remember, there had been only two columns, now there are three. The rightmost column contains info about people: me, followers, archives, labels and blogs I like. The leftmost column contains podcasts in my iTunes library and websites related to topics of interest. The middle column is the meat and potatoes of the blog, the blog posts.

Hopefully, this layout is pretty good for a while. Let me know what you think and if you want to, suggest some sites for inclusion in the lists to the left.

Thanks!

iPod blogging

Trying a new thing tonight, I'm blogging from my iPod touch. Not sure how this will work. I type as I think, my fingers moving as I think. Flying along as I see the thoughts racing across the sky like wondrous birds in flight. To type on the iPod is picking and slower than my thoughts can process. It is a little like using first grade ledgers instead of writing freehand in cursive as an adult.

Topic Ideas

It's been a while since I last posted on here. I'm changing the purpose of this blog. Now, it's not just what I learn about being Catholic, but about more things that interest me. Knitting, psychology, lesbian and gay issues, and relaxation are a few things that interest me. Expect to see more about those topics.