Church, My Way

 Growing up, I lived on Army bases in the United States of America. My dad was an enlisted soldier, now he is a retired veteran. The Army had us living in homes around the country from North Carolina, to Alaska, to Virginia, to Colorado. I liked it so much, I even signed up for an enlistment, but I didn't make it very far in the attrition process. Anyways, recent events in our nation's capitol have me feeling jumbled up inside.

Recently, Joe Biden has called the Capitol Building the Citadel of Democracy, and Nancy Pelosi called it the Temple of our Democracy as well. I got to thinking about how seeing churches broken up in the past has made me deeply saddened, and yet, not felt like it was my church that got attacked. This does.

Growing up, we heard Reveille played by bugles at 7 in the morning as the flag was raised over the base headquarters every single day. Then, we heard Taps every single day at 6 in the evening as the flag was lowered. These songs bookended our days. They were the songs that opened our services and closed our services. Life on the posts for a school child started with Reveille and ended with Taps. One woke you. One told you to go inside for the end of the day.

Then, when the Mayor of the District of Columbia announced a curfew at 6 in the evening on the day white supremacists tried to dismantle the big church of my churches? That reminded me of the curfews that were enacted on the Army bases during the fighting in Kuwait and folks being angry at the military and soldiers and we had to be on base every single night during that time by 6 in the evening. It was just how it was. 

So, folks being mean to those fighting for liberty and the American way in the Capitol Building, and a 6 pm curfew enacted? It was a bit much to be reminded of tough times. 

Then, today, when Joe Biden was announcing his nominees to head the Justice Department, and Nancy Pelosi when responding to questions of what next because our incumbent president had instigated the domestic rioters and white supremacists that attacked the Capitol Building referred to the Capitol Building as the Church of Democracy, essentially. And, it came together for me.

We didn't go to any churches on post, or off post in the surrounding communities, when I was growing up. I like to say that my folks are hippies who raised us, their four children, on military communes. It confuses folks, but once they get to know my history a bit, it makes sense too. The post was everything for us. It was extended family, friends were made hard and fast, you never knew when someone might move (either them or you), and it was where you got your food, medicine, clothes, just everything on the post. 

This was how it was designed to be. The military brass wanted the soldiers to be dependent on the post for everything from necessities to fun, so that the soldiers could be a more cohesive unit. And, if the soldiers were cohesive, then the families could be too. 

That's why yesterday's attack is visceral and felt like an attack on my church. Even though we didn't do church. I only went to church as a social experiment with friends and later other family. But, my family of origin, nature is our church, and nature is always on the post. Of course, it's always everywhere. 

I'm still broken up by the feelings in my chest and my eyes. I am trying to be comfortable with these feelings, as all feelings are valid. It's what you do with them that matters. What the white supremacists did yesterday is not moral and not awesome and not a cool way to treat other people. I am upset, but I'm not going to go be physically stringent with any incumbent residents of any addresses on Pennsylvania Avenue. That's not my way, that's not what my church taught me.

My church values Loyalty to the Constitution and the Nation (meaning all the others here), Duty to do what we say we will, Respect for others by treating them as they should be treated, Selfless Service putting the needs of the nation above your own (which those white supremacists didn't do, and their instigator hasn't ever seemed to do in his public persona), Honor to live your values daily no matter whether you're being watched or not, Integrity to do what's right legally and morally, and, Personal Courage to face fear, danger, or adversity and still do the right things.  

A while ago, I was asked why I didn't like the incumbent president. I couldn't put into words at the time why because I was upset at the time. It's because he's disrespectful of those that are lower in station than himself, he's not loyal to our nation and prefers the company of our international adversaries, he's never shown a bit of selfless service and only seems to be selfish, he doesn't show much integrity in his dealings with the law of man or in relation to women, and, he doesn't have personal courage to led others in dangerous situations, but has to have peaceful protestors cleared for photo ops with symbols of religious power that he doesn't even pretend to care enough about to hold the right way up. He doesn't fulfill the values of my church.

I hope he gets what he doesn't deserve. By that I mean, more love, and I mean honest, soul deep love, than he's given most people. I can't do that right now for him, but surely someone, somewhere can give him the love he needs. I can at least, wish him to not hurt himself, and not hurt the rest of us in the process.

Edited on 13 January to change the language from "terrorists" to "white supremacists" as I've learned from Black folx on various social media that calling the ones that defiled the Capitol of the United States on 6 January 2021 terrorists only increases attacks and racial profiling on those who are Black, Brown, or Indigenous Peoples of Color, and that they will bear the burden of a word choice that can be made more clear in this post. Words matter. Clarity matters. Black lives matter because life matters. 

Word of the Year, Personal Review, 2020 ~ Manage

 My Word of the Year for 2020 was Manage. This came from a larger quote, by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, “One who can learn to flow with the current as well as manage the current is the successful one.”

I think I focused on the wrong part of the quote, but the season before last year had been one of floating a lot, and I wanted a little more direction. By the end of the year, I had come to dislike the word Manage for my word, but not enough to change it.

The year began simply enough. January, was it's usual beast with 100% of the days being full of migraines. (I have a new theory about this for a future blog post, so watch for that! It's not earth shattering, just mind expanding for me with implications for future changes.) The migraines continued into February with some other things going on in the personal world to Manage. March, what can I say that hasn't already been said before? 

We in the US, not sure about the rest of the world, began the month of March much the same as any other month in the rest of the 21st century. Then the weekend around the Ides of March in the middle of the month came (for those that don't know their Julius Caesar history, the Ides of March are the 15th of March, the date to settle debts, which Caesar did with his life, as did a great many people in this century from that date forward, but I'm getting ahead of myself). And, my household went into a holding pattern, as many in the world did. Would we go to work on Monday? Would we be able to go to the grocery stores? The hospitals? What exactly was closing and when? So many questions. So much misinformation. So much confusion that looking back could have been avoided. But it wasn't and so we are still digging out from the mess that was started first by those in leadership saying it was a "flu" and then because of that not providing adequate care and information for the masses needing an unprecedented amount of both.

April passed in a blur of Managing expectations and wearing masks when out of the house. Because whether or not they did anything, what if they did do something. And, they showed as a sign of respect that I respect your health, so I'm wearing my mask to protect you in case I'm asymptomatic and don't know it. That's the simple thing that showed up a lot in the Spring and Summer months was the sheer entitlement of folks not respecting each other. Folks deciding that their anger at the situation was more important in grocery store videos that went viral than the government and store rules that we wore masks. 

May came and went with more time outside. My pup and I took some time in our neighborhood to take socially distanced walks around. Our neighborhood is semi-rural and so we walk on the roads. I carry a mask in my pocket, to pop on my face if I happened to come across a person who wanted to come closer than 7-8 feet even though the distance for masks at the time was 6 feet. I have had some weird health things in the past, so was and still am acting from a very cautious place with this. 

June the world learned the name George Floyd. Managing my own internal biases and learning which family members were being ignorant on purpose and so were trying to pull me into discussions about whether it was possible for black people to have the same prejudices with white people, which for the record, it's not, was an interesting exercise in patience, which I don't have a lot of. There's not a 400 year history of black oppression of white people by black people with the rules of one drop of whiteness in your blood making you white so there's more white people, so there's more enslaved people to work the plantations and homes of the black oppressors for free. Sounds kind of ridiculous when you change the positions of the races. To paraphrase Dr. Jaiya John from a podcast I heard in October, through the Good Ancestor podcast by Layla F. Saad, white supremacy is a virus that we have lived with and don't know what it would be like to live without. I want to live in that world. 

July was more Managing. This time internal as well, as I had asked for an assessment for distractibility and memory issues. I had been noticing that I couldn't settle my mind to much of anything. I had been putting it down to the pandemic for the last few months, but thinking on my life, I noticed that this was how I just was. Always mentally curious and able to do deep dives into subjects that are interesting, but hardly able to do anything that wasn't at all somehow motivating to me. I had to know why it was important, agree it was important, and like doing it, to maybe even want to do it. Or, I'd find an excuse not to do it. Doing it because of making other people happy doesn't work because that's manipulating them, if I don't want to do the thing. So, at the end of the month I was evaluated for adhd. 

August was more Managing. Still internal, but with others too. In early August, I got the diagnosis of a type of adhd. Then, I did deep dives into what that was. I took a dedicated break from a crafting group I'm part of to figure out my place in the world with this new information. Also, my pup was beginning to do poorly, and I didn't want to deal with a lot of questions, so a break would give some space for whatever happened in the next few months.

September came with some hard conversations to Manage. We talked with the vet about the process for euthanizing our dog because he was doing so poorly. As a last option, we took him to a specialist vet on the off chance that something might be easier for him in the last days of life. The first appointment was in October, so we Managed to wait for a while, did I mention I don't have a lot of patience? The new school year brought a new pattern to the schedule of the weeks. Since March through June the weeks had been fully remote through the computer. Then the summer was it's usual break. Summer school had been thought about, but dismissed in this time. So, the county had been in the yellow for most of the summer with occasional bursts into the other two colors. (out of a red, yellow, and green system, with red being fully remote, yellow being hybrid, and green being fully in person allowed.) The school district chose to do a yellow hybrid system for the school year, until and unless they had to go red - fully remote, even if the county went into a green zone to better protect the students and staff. That means our days have had a different pattern than ever before with two days in person, a remote day, and then two days in person. Getting used to the pattern of days has taken a bit of effort, but it's happened and now feels normal.

October came with more chances to Manage. Early in the month my pup met the specialist vet. I have only ever heard her voice over the phone as the visits have been curbside the whole time of knowing her. She did some tests, used her vast knowledge and care, and developed a plan to try to turn around the bad bacterial infection he had had for a long time that was resisting other antibiotics he had tried. She started him on an antibiotic that required wearing gloves, washing hands before and after administering the medicine, and making sure not to touch it to anything we would ever use for human consumption. While he was using that medicine, we couldn't let him lick us or touch his nose or face to us at all. He did sleep on the bed, but that was too much of a battle to fight at the time. In October, I also went to the orthopedic to see what was going on with my shoulder that was really sore and weaker than it should be, and had been since the summer. He took some xrays, gave me a shot of steroids and lidocaine, and sent me to regular pt. I started pt and loved going there, as the people were great and it felt good.

November, I also Managed expectations. I was still going to pt and wasn't progressing like I felt I should be. At the end of about 2 months, I was still at what felt like the beginning of the process. I requested another appointment with the doctor to see why. Until then, pt was the only time the shoulder felt good naturally, so I continued appointments until the day before the doctor's appointment in mid December. I also Managed handling the scary medicine for my pup. The medicine could cause a weird kind of anemia in those that touch it and ingest it. I also Managed writing about 37,000 words for the month in NaNoWriMo, an international writing competition to write a novel in a month. It was the first time I tracked my words written in a month.

December was a month to Mange lots of things. Near the beginning of the month I said good bye to a new friend as they left their internship at the pt clinic. I Managed to show my love in tangible ways thanks to the beneficence of the year. I Managed to write 8,000 words without the help of the daily check ins and sprints of the writing community. which is still pretty good. I have a simple bank book system that has columns for date, document name, starting word count, total word count, running balance (resets monthly, manually), and then time in minutes and a words per minute column where the word count for document is divided by the minutes. Oh, and there might be a comments column, I usually have one of those in most spreadsheets. The math columns are formulas, so I don't have to do the math mentally, and I have them filled in for about 20 rows at a time until I get to the bottom of the filled in rows and then pull down the formulas another 20 or so rows. (All this in case you want to duplicate your own spreadsheet.)

So, towards the end of December I participated in Susannah Conway's process to find your Word of the Year. I had the idea before beginning that I wanted something funner than Managing, and I wanted something more active and external as well. Dancing was running through my mind, but I had heard that this process would help solidify the Word of the Year for folks that were a bit vague on it at the moment. 

I went through the process of the first two days about a week after receiving all the emails. Then, I set it aside for about a week. Found it again and finished the day's work that I had been doing. Then, continued on through the process, just not always giving it the time that the process had intended. By the end of the process, I had solidified that Dancing was a good word for me in 2021. To support Dancing, I selected Energy, flexibility, Vibrant, and Ease as these are the feelings that Dancing creates in me. 

In hard times, our attitudes can make or break our spirits. May yours make your spirit sing, and if it isn't change it. 

Letter to You, Readers

 Dear Readers,

You are all really neat people. There’s been over 41,500 of you to visit this blog. That’s breathtaking! To think that so many of you came on this journey with me from my entry into the Catholic Church, my book interests, and my crafting updates, all colored by the overlaying of my chronic illnesses too. Thank you for staying around for the fun!

Nearly half of you are from the United States. Just over 4,300 of you are from Russia. About 2,000 of you are from the United Kingdom. And, around 1,500 of you are Canadian. There’s around 1,00 from France and Germany each. Then, China, Ukraine, Romania, and the rest of the world make up the remainder of you. 

By far most of you are here for the Mermaid Tail pattern blog post, over 9,200 of you. The next most popular blog post among you is the Open House @ Engine with Photos Post that about 660 of you liked. About 180 of you liked my sharing my Appendicitis story. The remaining most popular stories are scattered among organizational ideas, pattern pages, odes to seasons and patterns, anti-oppression pieces, 2 stories about being beyond bacterial meningitis, and two book reviews. The books are Children of Bone and Blood, a fantastical African story with anti-oppression themes, and Unstoppable, a memoir about living without limbs. Yeah, I like a variety of books.

I won’t share the operating system information that the stats collection gives me because I don’t know if anyone could use that to harm you in some way, and don’t want to be a part of that.

You have liked looking at the pages about equally, each got 200-250 views, except the one with my contact information, which only got 65 views. That’s cool. It’s mostly there for those who want me to review their own books, which is cool. I should double check the google sheet for that for new items.

So, yes, thank you for reading this blog and stopping by during your free time from wherever you are in the world. I appreciate you and your time.

Take care and stay safe out there,

Jen

By the Grace, A Review

cover art from author's page

 

By the Grace written by Sine Peril is the story of Julia Grace, a young lady in 1918 who is a bit different. If she lived in our time, she might have been diagnosed as having Autism, but she lived before the diagnosis existed. Like the pandemic we are living through, Julia deals with masks and germs and cleanliness. There is a paranormal element to the story, which is really well done. There are a few elements that seem too easily accepted towards the end of the story, but without getting into spoilers, I can't share them. 

I received my copy of the book as an advanced reader copy from the author. Opinions are my own.

Twisted Stitches, without and on Purpose

When I came back to knitting after my divorce in 2000, I walked into a local yarn store. I asked the male presenting clerk about the various options for knitting socks. Now, I had never knitted a pair of socks, and, I had forgotten everything except how to knit and purl. I had access to lots of knitting books at the Portland, Maine, public library about knitting and so knew that the cast on I’d been taught at 8 years old was called “long tail cast on” and that I didn’t like it.

The books had a ton of options, but I had no idea of where to go next. So, after he sold me some yarn, a pattern and two sizes of needles, I asked the clerk about a cast on other than the long tail cast on to start the socks with that didn’t leave you guessing at how much yarn to use for the tail. 

He suggested the cable cast on. I don’t remember him showing me how to do the cable cast on, but he did say it was like knitting but going between the stitches to draw through a loop to put onto the needle. I had some books at home that showed various options for how to do the cable cast on, along with a few other cast on. This was way before the days of Ravelry and YouTube. If YouTube existed, it didn’t have much in the way of being a knitting resource. Yahoo groups had email lists that you could join and email into the listservs and share information that way. Some folks had blogs, with a few static pictures to show the information, but not many.

Anyways, I looked at the books, figured out what the pictures were showing me and got started pretty well. The pictures did a good job of defining the difference between the cable cast on and the knitted cast on, so I didn’t make that mistake. I did the ribbing, and then read the heel instructions. What was that saying?!?! I figured that I would understand when I got there, and decided to trust the pattern. Not for the first time in my life when it comes to sock knitting.

I got through the heel turn and gusset pick up and down through the toe and grafting of the first toe. Then, I put the project aside for a while as one does and got to know someone special over the summer. It was quite nice and is still fun!

Then, I got to wanting to actually wear the socks, so got back to knitting them. I got to the middle of the foot. Then, my new sweetie’s sister-in-law mentioned liking to knit, so it was okay to bring over my project if I wanted to share some knitting time with her. I did, and so did. She had a strange look on her face while looking at the sock and a half I’d completed by that point. She asked to see how I did my stitches. 

I showed her a few stitches and she stopped me. I asked what was up? She replied, “You’re twisting your stitches! See how mine lie so nice and flat, and your’s have a twist to them?” 

Reader, you know what, she was right. My socks were twisting of their own accord!

I asked how to make stitches like she did. She showed me in the project she was working, and I did the same movements in the project I was doing. She was knitting English, and I was knitting Continental, so that added some fun. But, I just watched what the yarn was doing, like I had in the pictures in those books for the cast on. 

Neither one of us thought to say or ask about frogging the socks and starting over. I just changed the way I knit in the middle of the project and that’s something I recommend folks don’t do, unless they want obviously different parts. For you know what, dear reader? 

Those socks still exist and are the weirdest pair I ever made. One and half of the pair twists around my foot like it’s a fruit loop doing a pole dance, and the other half is a typical sock. But, I love them both. I just typically wear them in shoes so that they don’t twist too much and drive me batty with the textures changing and the heels ending up on top of my ankles.

So, that’s the story of the Twisted Stitches, without a purpose. Now, to move on to the Twisted Stitches, with a Purpose, part.

Sometime in the mid-2010s, I would look at the Craftsy website and look at the classes list to see if anything was worth paying for, or more likely, if they had any new classes in topics I liked. While searching for ergonomic knitting, someone was offering a class in combination knitting. Looking at the description of the class, I knew the term and techniques described would be better found t a basic level elsewhere on the Internet.

I searched for combination knitting, and found out it was using Eastern mounted purls and Western mounted knits. But, like with those twisted stitches earlier, not to be played with while in the middle of a project. So, I finished or frogged all my projects in knitting. 

Not all my projects, there were still crochet and embroidery and painting projects going, of course. I can’t have no wips! 

Then, I got to work learning how to do these stitches when desired. It eventually made lace fly, as you're able to set up for an ssk on the row or round before it happens, just by the way the yarn is wrapped around the stitch. Then, also, I learned to knit backwards through that experimentation period. And, by setting up an Eastern mounted stitch on one round, and working it as though it’s Western mounted on the next round, it results in a Twisted Stitch, on Purpose, with a lot more ease. 

In one of the first knitting books I had ever read, I’d seen a reference to this way of purling. But because of the author’s lack of understanding and judgement, she called it a ‘lazy purl’ and so that’d kept me away from doing it for a long time. It was in Knitting Without Tears by Elizabeth Zimmermann. I love her chatty writing style and her way of talking about yarns and patterns. But, this is one point I disagree with her about. It’s a different way of purling, it is faster for continental picker style knitters, and is easier for some of us with stress or rheumatoid arthritis injuries, but lazy, not really. I know she’s not here to hear my complaint, but others who uphold her way of thinking are, and like me, need their minds opened a bit. 

Anyways, that’s how I came from Twisted Stitches without a Purpose, to Twisted Stitches with a Purpose. 

Caveats for those who decide to experiment with the way you knit that might have an impact on your knitting gauge, Finish All Your Knitting WIPS First!! It’s best to practice on a fresh project rather than an in progress project because it will change the intersection of your hands, yarn, and needles known as your gauge. On a dishrag this could be funny, on a sweater this could be anger inducing! Ask me how I know!!! Those socks weren’t my only experiment in changing how I knit mid-project. They are the only ones still existing, though. Some things just needed to be cut and trashed. Hence why I don’t use semi-precious or super expensive yarns.

Current Projects, an Update

Hi Folks!

With all the changes over at Ravelry and my own inability to use the classic version without getting a migraine quickly, I'm deciding to update projects here again. I had gotten out of the habit with the ease of Ravelry, but that's no longer an easy place to do stuff. So, here we are!

I plan to be doing these on a semi-regularly basis going forwards, every to every other week, depending on frequently I get to doing some projects.

First up this month is the first of the Hermione's Everyday Socks (link is to the Dreams in Fiber website for this free pattern). I am using Knit Picks Stroll in Pucker, a hot pink color. I adapted the pattern using Cat Bordhi's Sweet Tomato Heel and making them toe-up, instead of cuff down as directed in the pattern. I adapted the Sweet Tomato Heel by making it over only half the stitches, it works in this instance, but you should experiment in your own sock knitting if adjusting patterns. I didn't use a lifeline, but it would have been a good idea.

Here's a picture of one of the socks. I'm still in knitting the leg of the other sock. I need to count how many pattern repeats I did in this one to make the current one match before working the ribbing.

I also made a Beekeeper's Quilt (link is to the Tiny Owl Knits blog post about the pattern, there's a link to buy the pattern through Ravelry at the bottom of the page) motif known as a hexipuff, but since it's not stuffed, also known as a hexi-flat. Lots of knitters all over the world make these, some stuff them, and then sew them together to make coverlets of varying sizes. 

That's it so far this month. I am doing well living through the pandemic mostly. It's a good time to listen to podcasts and learn more about how my brain works. 

I hope y'all have a good crafting month.

Later,

Jen