What sucks about living after meningitis?

Let's see, it's been 20 months since I contracted bacterial meningitis.  Did you know that 1 in 10 die from bacterial meningitis?  And, if not treated within the first seven days, completely fatal?  And, that those who live from it can have after effects such as deafness, acquired brain damage, personality changes, debilitating migraines, and more?

I had bacterial meningitis in September 2011. I lived, so that's good right?  I don't always feel it is good.

I deal with migraines 66% of the time, faithfully figuring the percentage of days lost to migraines monthly.  I also have acquired brain damage.  I have trouble remembering things, dates, times, meals, to take my medications, and other things.  I used to be great with my memory.  My attention is harder to shift than it used to be, so I get stuck on thinking the same thoughts for a while.

Nausea, headaches, confusion, and memory problems, are the after effects of acquired brain damage.  Since my meninges continue to stay inflamed, the entire brain is being squeezed causing these continuing symptoms.  I know I used to be better, but there was no definitive test needed before the meningitis hit.

According to WebMD, 15% of folks with mild brain injury have continuing problems.  I'm in that 15%, sucks to be me, huh?

The WebMD article, lists a variety of cognitive, physical, behavioral, and perceptual changes from the brain damage.

The cognitive ones I have are increased difficulty in expressing myself, processing information is slower, it's harder for me to understand others (especially when the migraines are really bad), and I know I've forgotten more than I should.

Physical changes I've gone through are the persistent migraines, mental fatigue sets in a lot faster, physical fatigue sets in a lot faster, sensitivity to bright sun light and florescent lights, and sleep disorder.

Perceptual changes I experience are a loss for the sense of time passing, disorders of smell, more sensitive to pain, and changes in my vision.

Behavioral changes I've experienced are irritiability and increased impatience, reduced tolerance for stress, sluggishness, and denial of disability.

I'm usually good about accepting what is and not being able to go back and change it.

We don't even know how I got so sick.  I had none of the five traditional causes, lyme disease, ticks, aids/hiv, iv drug use or anything else.  That's almost the most frustrating part of this.

Dealing with those changes listed above take a lot of work. Migraines 66% of the time prevent me from having a job outside the family.  I still get frustrated because I am still stuck with the thoughts that my identity is tied up in working and being a contributing member of society.

I hate things like this.  But, today, I woke angry at the meningitis and ashamed at how much I've hidden from folks.  Pretending that I've got it all together when I really don't.  I just get through the hard times as best I can.

Life has to turn out better some how, some when, right?

Stress Reduction and Meditation

Here's what I'll be sharing with my TOPS group about Stress Reduction and Meditation.  Please remember that meditation doesn't have to have religious overtones, if you don't want it to. Also, I've gathered this info over many years, and I can't remember where the original sources are. I'm sorry, but in the interest of credit where credit is due, none of this is my own work.

50 Stress Reducers

1.    Forgive yourself for your mistakes

2.    Forgive others their mistakes

3.    Accept what you cannot change

4.    Take breaks, empty your mind, and deep breathe

5.    Focus on just one thing

6.    Act (Don’t overanalyze)

7.    Visualize/Imagine Happiness (how does it look, feel, smell, taste, and sound)

8.    Smile (even if you are alone)

9.    Accept others as they are

10. Say no, even if you can say yes

11. Meditate/pray/focus on some external spot

12. Sleep well

13. Have a cup of coffee or tea

14. Clean or organize something

15. Give up perfection

16. Hang out with folks that make you feel good.

17. Wear fun, nice, comfy clothes

18. Dim the lights, or turn on more lights, as needed

19. Eat healthy and drink plenty of water

20. Use candles for relaxation

21. Recognize that the stress is temporary

22. Plan ahead and arrive early

23. Spend less

24. Stretch before bed and after waking

25. Play games with others or by yourself

26. Focus on what is happening right now

27. Enjoy nature

28. Don’t worry about others judgments of you

29. Ask for help and reduce stress with others

30. Turn on music

31. Create an award system for yourself

32. Learn not to take things personally as things are never personal and always internal to the other person

33. Appreciate your connections ~ list them

34. Watch birds, play with pets

35. Take a shower or bath

36. Turn off the computer and cell phone for at least one hour each week

37. Ask, “will this matter in n time?”  n equaling a day, week, year or so

38. Think positive before speaking

39. Stop watching the news

40. Be patient

41. Learn from negative situations

42. Let gossip die

43. Talk with a professional counselor

44. Do a hobby or find one

45. Breathe

46. Avoid negative stories

47. Lighten up your work or material load

48. Stop complaining. What can you do?

49. Use positive words

50. Love Yourself

16 Tips for Moms to De-Stress

1.    Journal

2.    Walk with a friend

3.    Tea time

4.    Organize

5.    Write a thank you note or letter

6.    Dancing in the shower

7.    Prayer

8.    List worries

9.    Relax

10. Friends

11. Funny movies, comedy channel on radio

12. Eat some chocolate, in moderation

13. Talk with partner/spouse

14. Look at nature

15. Yoga

16. Light therapy ~ Nature’s Vitamin D

A List of Positive Words

Accomplished

Admirable

Amazing

Amusing

Approachable

Articulate

Attentive

Benevolent

Blessed

Bold

Bountiful

Bright

Brilliant

Captivating

Caring

Charismatic

Charming

Cheerful

Comfortable

Compassionate

Congenial

Conscious

Constant

Courageous

Courteous

Dedicated

Delightful

Deserving

Determined

Disciplined

Earnest

Ecstatic

Effective

Eloquent

Empathetic

Energetic

Engaging

Entertaining

Enthusiastic

Equitable

Expressive

Extraordinary

Fascinating

Fearless

Flexible

Fortunate

Friendly

Generous

Genuine

Gifted

Glorious

Gracious

Gutsy

Helpful

Honorable

Immaculate

Immense

Impeccable

Incomparable

Incredible

Ingenious

Inspiring

Intelligent

Intuitive

Inventive

Jazzed

Kindhearted

Loyal

Magnanimous

Majestic

Marvelous

Motivating

Optimistic

Original

Passionate

Peaceful

Perceptive

Persistent

Pleasing

Poetic

Powerful

Quick minded

Remarkable

Resourceful

Respectful

Rousing

Selfless

Sensational

Sincere

Spirited

Stable

Steadfast

Steady

Stunning

Stupendous

Trustful

Understanding

Unique

Venturous

Virtuous

Types of Journal Writing

1.    2-pages, or n-pages, journaling

a.    Write 2 or n pages daily on subject of your choosing

2.    “What do I mean by …?”

a.    Search root causes, patterns, universal experiences to connect to that which is beyond you (God, source, etc.)

b.    Pay attention to awareness and journal about mindfulness, transformative images, thoughts, feelings, symbols of your own

c.    Awe inspired mystical writing ~ what inspires a sense of awe in you?

3.    Inventions Journaling

a.    Follow your interests, observations, desires, paying attentions to what your mind brings to your awareness

b.    Try out ideas without pressure to produce or succeed

c.    Creative, inventive, fun, playing with ideas

4.    Autobiography journaling

a.    Revisit past events, validate who you are and where you came from

b.    Answer the questions, Who am I, and Why am I here?

5.    Memoir journaling

a.    Celebration of your life

b.    Lessons learned

Benefits of Meditation

·         Awaken spiritual awareness in you if you want

·         Mental organization of thoughts leads to calmness

·         Strengthens immune system through the physical exercises and slowing the body’s rhythms

·         Slows aging with long term practice because of the slowing of heart rate and blood pressure

·         Reduces stress by calming, deep breathing, and lowering blood pressure and heart rate

·         Engages body’s natural restorative healing

·         Clarity is increased, which dispels delusions and illusions

·         Appreciation for living can be enhanced

·         Creativity can be stimulated

What is a meditation practice?

·         Regular time of your choosing

·         Sit comfortably

·         Choose to keep eyes open or closed and do that

·         Decide on what you meditation will be like today

o   Empty mind

o   Word or thought focus

o   Visualization or imagination

o   A specific spot in the environment to look at, candle flame, etc.

·         Process that continues throughout the session

o   Breathe deep into your abdomen expanding it like a balloon

o   Exhale pushing out slowly for as long a count as you had breathed in

·         Focus on today’s meditation

o   When distractions occur and you notice you aren’t meditating, gently let go of the distraction and bring your focus back to the meditation

o   If useful, keep paper handy to jot down the distractions to deal with them after the meditation session.

·         As you continue to meditate on a regular basis, the distractions will reduce and your mind will settle into the meditation easier.

·         Regular meditation on a daily/weekly basis is what is called your practice

Techniques and Routines for Satisfying Results

1.    Relaxation Technique

a.    Set timer for 20 minutes, if desired.

b.    Sit and mentally listen to an agreeable word or word-phrase

                                          i.    Beginner ~ say the word over and over ill you are able to internalize hearing just the sound of the word, until you are still and rest till time to end session

                                        ii.    Common words/word-phrases (mantras) ~ light, love, peace, joy, I am light, I am love, I am peace

                                       iii.    Mantras are used only to focus the attention of the mind and not to change the thoughts of the meditation practitioner.  An affirmation is when you are trying to change your thoughts by repeating a word-phrase.  A mantra is using a word-phrase for the sound and focusing ability of the mind.

2.    Devotional Technique

a.    As the Relaxation Technique, but with a devotional intent.  Mantra is “God” or other word that connects to how you connect to God.  Mantra can be preceded by “Om” such that mantra becomes “Om God.”  More on “Om” in part 4.

3.    Sanskrit Mantras

a.    The first syllable floats into awareness on inhale and the second syllable on the exhale.  Feel the sounds emerge from the boundless field of pure consciousness until you go still.

b.    Hong sau (pronounced “hong-saw”) means wild gander, and no mater how far the wild gander flies away from home, at some point it remembers and comes back home always at the proper season.

c.    So ham (pronounced so-hum) means “Pure Consciousness – am I.” and is a way of identifying with the universe or ultimate reality.

4.    Om Mantra

a.    Om is the primordial energy-force from which all things come into expression.  As noted in the New Testament, John 1:1 and 3, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was[is] God.  All things were made by it, and without it was not anything that was made.”

5.    Inner Light Technique

a.    Look within, feel that your awareness is not contained within your skull, that you exist in boundless space.  Do this when very calm, breathing slowly, thoughts minimal.  Observe and wait.

                                          i.    If you perceive light, merge with it, gently contemplate it’s origin and what’s behind it.

                                        ii.    This can just be stimulation of the optic nerves, so it isn’t necessarily supernatural.

                                       iii.    Transcend the light to experience pure being.

Factors that affect meditation

·         Environment: noise, heat, coldness, etc.

·         Lack of knowledge of process: techniques vary, bat all valid techniques can improve your concentration and nurture awakened spiritual consciousness, if you desire.

·         Physical discomfort: sitting upright, comfortably, yields an alert but relaxed posture

·         Emotional distress: practice can lead to being able to meditate despite emotional circumstances – do not use meditation time to self analyze – sometimes you have to pause meditation to regulate emotions.

·         Resistance to change: acquire a more complete understanding of the process leads to less resistance to change.

·         Preoccupation with Mental transformations – meditate when rested and alert

Helpful Places for More Information

An Easy Guide to Meditation by Roy Eugene Davis

Wikipedia.com